It sounds trite and old fashioned but communication is an absolute must in a good marriage.
I have told my girls that if I ever hear them say”If he loved me he would know…….” I will punch them in the nose! Nothing ever has or ever will compensate for just opening your mouth and telling him what you want, need, or just can’t stand.
A man’s brain doesn’t work like a woman’s brain. A man’s brain is very compartmentalized. he does one thing at a time and nothing has anything to do with anything else. Work is work. Home is home. Kids are kids. Friends are friends. Where he spends his money or who he tells a joke to rarely make a connection.
A woman’s brain is one giant circle, everything is connected. If you don’t kiss her good-bye when you leave for work, she will stew about it, think about it, analyze it all day long until by the time you get home she has figure out that you’re having an affair, you think she’s fat, you hate the way she’s doing her hair, you never loved her in the first place. When the only reason you didn’t kiss her was she was looking extremely busy and you were running late and the “good-bye honey” with a long distance smooch made you think all was right with the world!
No one is ever going to be able to read your mind. No one is ever going to know what you’re thinking or what the perfect Christmas gift is. There is no shame in making a list. There is no shame in telling him, “dear, pay attention, this is important and you’re going to want to know this”.
The world tells you that this will kill the romance, that if he really loved you he would remember all the things you say, give you all the best gifts. The movies tell you that he will always say the perfect thing, guess what??? The movie dude with all the right words has a string of writers putting words in his mouth! I’ll bet a bunch of those are women too!
Talking is the most intimate thing you can learn to do in your marriage. It opens your minds and souls to each other. If you learn to talk about anything and everything, your marriage will grow and become that intimate precious thing we all desire.
You have to learn to talk about fears, hopes, goals, the kids, your parents, sex, failures, physical problems, there’s just no end to it. And the longer you’re married the more things there are to talk about. If you learn to talk you won’t fight. If you learn to talk you teach your children how to resolve issues without fighting or yelling or violence. If you learn to talk you become truly connected to the person who should be the most important person in your life.
It takes practice and it takes two. But we can all learn, just make a start.